A Woman’s Notes on Why Not To Date Rappers

1. Rappers become rappers for a reason. They crave attention. They are pretty much attention-starved. The more attention, the better. They are easily flattered. And even more easily duped. Any girl with a pretty face, and a prettier smile, can captivate most emcees. Their own attention span when it comes to the opposite sex is that of a child in a toy store…. Excited, frantic, and unfocused. You show them love, they'll most certainly show you it back. All of ya :-p

2. To Emcees, everything is a competition. Everything. Shoot, they will compete with their own woman if they think that woman may be outdoing them. Their egos are extremely fragile (see: every rap battle in the History of Hip Hop if u don't believe me). Injuring that ego in any way - whether by words, by actions, or by accomplishments – will surely seal the nail in the coffin of your relationship with a rapper. So walk on eggshells… and play the cut.

3. 90% of the rappers that are attainable are also of the starving artist variety. Don't expect to get picked up in the whip. Don't expect to get taken out to nice restaurants. Most rappers are used to being treated by their fans, so although they are broke they are also not used to paying for things. You may end up being the one to treat him (or her) most of the time. That's if he/she even goes out in public with you… many rappers are conscientious of their image and don't want to appear 'hitched' to their adoring public (aka, other groupies they have potential to get with and havn't yet). That would be too…. Honest :-)

4. Rappers are called rappers for a reason: They Rap. Meaning, they talk. A LOT. Emcees love the melodic sound of their own voice. They love repeating life lessons they have learned and feel the rest of the world would benefit from knowing. They are public speakers, teachers, self-made prophets, sometimes they are their own God. So be prepared to be the silent listener…. a lot. Your input is not required.

5. Rappers do not cheat on their girlfriends or wives. They have sex on tour. This is not considered cheating. Ask any man in the biz. (or 90% of 'em). If you're on the road, it's not considered infidelity. It's considered another perk to touring... a la free liquor, weed, and room service. It's just something to keep them entertained. They will say "my wife knows, she ain't stupid". But guranteed, they have never looked at their wife and said, "by the way, hun, when I'm on the road, sex is not cheating. It's a necessity. Cool?". So, if you're considering settling down with a rapper, consider getting tested…. After every tour.

6. Rappers often come from poverty, and broken homes. C'mon, what would be the novelty in rapping about moms n pops 40th anniversary, and the comfortable life in the suburbs? Being raised in a broken home has sociological implications. Whether that manifests by an active street life (a la tupac, biggie, & almost every guy that raps), or an active sex life (a la Uncle Luke, or Eazy E, & almost every guy that raps), or an abusive approach to women (a la Big Pun, Kool G Rap, & many others that noone talks about), or a substance 'habit' (a la… damn near every rapper I know), you can be rest assured that your rapper boyfriend (or girlfriend) is being delivered to you with a host of deep-seeded personal issues and bad habits that would take years of therapy to unravel. You will not be able to do save him/her. Don't think you can. Either deal with the dysfunction, or go home.

7. Rappers are Passionate. They passionately Love. They passionately Hate. They very rarely are neutral. This makes for the best love-making sessions of your God-given life. It also makes for the worst arguments. They're a walking rollercoaster ride in Nikes. If you get on the ride, be prepared to fall off and get hurt. They are not liable.

8. And finally: if you think you've found a rapper who does not exhibit any of the above signs, and so therefore I'm wrong… you, my dear, have stumbled upon:
- a rapper who hasn't 'made it' yet, and therefore still has some sweetness left because celebrity/success has not revealed his true self.
OR
- a closet nine-to-fiver who is masquerading as a rapper. He/she will give up on his dream soon, take a 9-5, and be a good husband/wife. He/she was probably was never cut out to be a rapper in the 1st place
OR
- a very (very very very) adept deceiver. Not only is he/she a rapper… but an accomplished actor as well.

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